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You know what ends fights? Pudding.
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I don’t book round-trip tickets.
When I end something, I end it.
Well, we don’t like it easy, do we?
I grew up here in the up-country. Bibles, barbecues and broken bags. Everything gets just a little bit thicker this far south.
Remembering the good things helps sometimes.
It’s always good to have friends on the other side of the aisle.
You don’t want to work anywhere where you’re not willing to get fired from. Trading water’s the same as drowning for people like you and me.
I won’t be a slave to anybody or anything you can order with the toll-free number.
When have we ever avoided each other?
Never let your attitude sour into pride.
That’s so sweet, but if I would want to fuck you, you would know.
I never make such big decisions so long after sunset and so far from dawn.
Favorite stand-up in a long time.
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