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“"The healthcare.gov homepage has been redesigned and the picture of the anonymous woman has been removed. Said President Obama, 'There. All fixed.' "”
“They used this idea on "Seinfeld." Jerry's barber gave him a bad haircut so he used the other barber. Cam and Mitch hire Nathan Lane to do their wedding, and Mitch and Cam like Reynaldo's ideas better.”
“OK... The "Woooooo!" from the laugh track upon the first appearance of Jennifer Coolidge in every episode is just stupid. This technique on a sitcom should have ended with J.J on "Good Times."”
“"Nothing attracts a gay guy faster than a wedding ring... or saying 'hi' ... or being in the same room with him... or the apps on my phone. Folks: It is a good time to be gay!"”
“Gloria: My Uncle Carlos fixed soccer games...
Jay: Did he pay a player to pick up the ball and run down the field with it? Because that's the only way to fix soccer games.”