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“Well, we like our Internet slow, okay? We can turn it on, walk around, dance, make a sandwich. With DSL, there's no dancing, no walking, and we'd starve. It'd be all work and no play. Have you not seen The Shining, Mom?”
“Why can't it be something that doesn't ooze and run? What about bunions? Bunions are ok right? Sort of onions, mixed with buns, sorta appetizing if you don't think about it too much.”
“Life sucks either way, Jeremy. At least if you're a vampire you don't have to feel bad about it if you don't want to.”
“From the moment Stefan had his first taste of human blood, he was a different person. I suppose I should thank him. It's been a hell of a ride.