“Well, we like our Internet slow, okay? We can turn it on, walk around, dance, make a sandwich. With DSL, there's no dancing, no walking, and we'd starve. It'd be all work and no play. Have you not seen The Shining, Mom?”

“Tell that to the American space programme.”

“You haven't seen my best yet.”

“This tastes pink. Like really pink. It's really bad; it's like drinking a My Little Pony.”

“Why can't it be something that doesn't ooze and run? What about bunions? Bunions are ok right? Sort of onions, mixed with buns, sorta appetizing if you don't think about it too much.”

“Well, it's not every day I have my girls over for dinner on a day that the banks are open.”

“I can't tell if I love it or hate it....”

“I should have known better than to lend something to one of your boyfriends.”

“Spoilers. ”

“FLAILING.”

“Life sucks either way, Jeremy. At least if you're a vampire you don't have to feel bad about it if you don't want to.”

“Don't look for any redeeming qualities. I don't have any.”

“From the moment Stefan had his first taste of human blood, he was a different person. I suppose I should thank him. It's been a hell of a ride.
”